Sense of Loss!
Yesterday, a message popped up on my mobile screen. It was from one of my old school friends. This friend, whom I met for the last time almost 8 years back, reappeared in my life out of nowhere. I replied to her and the conversation started which lasted about thirty minutes.
When I read her message, I got mixed feelings. Feelings of sorrow, disappointment, and loss. I’ll explain why all of this hit me and why we come across this feeling at one point or another, especially when outgrow any relationship we once had.
Why a sense of loss at receiving a message from an old friend?Strange, right? This friend was once a source of happiness. We used to meet at school every single day. At that time, it seemed like we would never separate and this relationship of friendship and connection will be alive for life.
Alas! Life never fails to surprise you. We were finally done with high school and it was time for us to go to college. Luckily, we made it to the same college but with different programs. That marked the beginning of the downfall of a years-long friendship.
We got so busy with our studies and new people came into our lives as friends. Probably, neither of us has a clear memory of when we stopped meeting and talking daily and when we started saying hello/hi only while passing by each other. There used to be days when we only shared a smile and then there would be days when we didn't even get the chance to say hi or exchange a smile.
Long story short, two years of college flew by like crazy and there came our last day at college. We might’ve greeted and said goodbyes but neither of us (like most of us) were aware that it would be THE LAST DAY we met. Ever since then, we’ve never had the chance to see each other again. Yes, we met for the last time back in 2014. It’s been 8 years now and we have never seen each other.
This is life, that’s how subtly it takes away people and relationships from you and you sit there silently seeing it do that.
So when after so many years, she texted me and asked me how I was doing in life, it made me uncomfortable. Yes, we get uncomfortable with relationships that we no longer hold dear. Yes, it is okay to accept that no relationship is lifelong and no one can stay alive in everyone’s story.
Talking to my friend after so many years made me realize that we’ve outgrown the friendship we once had. At so many points, I realized that we didn’t connect the way we once did. This brought a heartbreaking sadness and loneliness to my heart.
The sense of loss I felt during that 30-minute conversation cannot be explained. Loss of a friendship. A friendship I had never been in during the past 8 years. They say ignorance is bliss. Yes, it is. The moment you are aware of a feeling, an emotion, or any idea, you cease to exist in the manner you used to before that. The sense of loss in the process of finding yourself.