Sense of Loss!
Yesterday, a message popped up on my mobile screen. It was from one of my old school friends. This friend of mine, who I met for the last time almost 8 years back, suddenly texted me.
I replied to her and we talked for around half an hour. Once the chat was over, I decided to write about it because of the feelings this 30 minutes conversation filled me with.
When I read her message, I got mixed feelings. Feelings of sorrow, disappointment, and loss. I will explain why all of this hit me and why does it hit every one of us when we find a link to someone we’ve outgrown in the relationship we’ve had with them at one point in time.
Why I felt a sense of loss at receiving a message from my old friend? Well, this friend at one point has been a source of happiness. We used to meet at school every single day. At that time, it seemed like we would never separate and this relationship of friendship and connection will be alive for life.
But life never fails to surprise you. We were finally done with high school and it was time for us to go to college. Luckily, we made it to the same college but with different programs. From there started our partying ways.
We got so busy in our studies with new friends in our new classrooms that we didn't even realize when we were restricted to only saying hello to each other and that too when we passed by each other in the college corridor. There were days that we didn't even get the chance to say hi and there were days too when we only shared a smile and that was all.
After 2 years, we graduated from college not realizing when the last day we saw each other become THE LAST DAY when we met. Ever since we’ve never got the chance to see each other again. Yes, we met for the last time back in 2014. It’s been 8 years now and we have never seen each other.
This is life, that’s how it subtly takes away people and relationships from you and you sit there silently seeing it do that. We did the same too.
So when after so many years, she texted me and asked me how I was doing in life, it was something that made me uncomfortable. Yes, we get uncomfortable with relationships that cease to exist for us. Yes, it is okay to accept that no relationship is eternal and every one of us will eventually fade away in someone’s story.
Talking to her after so many years didn't feel the same. At so many points, I realized that we don’t connect to each other the same way we did back then. This feeling of detachment made me sad and hopeless.
The sense of loss I felt during that 30 minutes conversation cannot be explained. I don’t know if I were happy to be getting a chance to talk to her again. What I can realize for now is I felt a sense of LOSS.
Loss of a friendship without knowing it during all these years. They say ignorance is bliss. Yes, it really is. As soon as you know something, that is where you cannot feel okay with it anymore. This is where I am right now. In a sense of loss.